These are the Days of the Evil Uncle

We are currently hosting my fifteen-year-old nephew on the farm for two weeks. I’ve been devoting all my spare hours to developing fiendish new ways to torture this city-born boy. But, it has proved more difficult than this Evil Uncle imagined. I have put him on the fencing rack for seven straight hours, forced him to work in the greenhouse all morning, restring hundreds of feet of electric fence for hogs….and, he was still smiling.

But, on Tuesday I have a plan to finally break his spirit. We will be putting up over three-hundred square bales in the barn. That should do the trick.

In the meantime, breakfast. For, even the condemned deserve a final meal, or, two.

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12 thoughts on “These are the Days of the Evil Uncle

  1. So, you’re a evil uncle, too? My victims are a lot younger than yours, but that doesn’t stop one from devising evil plans in advance, does it?
    His last meal looks positively kim jong yum yum – I’ve just polished off my first sauteed head of salad, a point to boot, which I had failed to deliver and somehow had to make use of; delicious!

  2. You failed to mention the torturous kayaking on the lake he’ll have to endure this morning. Pure evil. Bwaaahhhaaaa!

  3. Only 300 small squares? We used to consider 1000 a good day. Those were the good old days, when the smell of drying alfalfa filled the countryside. Now it’s all corn and beans. We’re one of the few farms left that still does small squares for a few horse people.

    • Yep, how times change. Now, when we tell people we have a 70 acre farm their response it to wonder at how large it is….
      As for the square bales, we like to have a few for easy bedding and feeding of the sheep.

      • Just read an article about the bales.
        “…or had the need to patch blue jean thighs after every new hay cutting.”
        Please explain. Does that mean that unlike the usual source of present-day European haute couture (American prisons), the douchey slits in everyone’s jeans derive from honest farm work routines?

        • Hmm, haute couture is a bit beyond my experience. The only fashions I like are the ones that do not change.

          But, I do have a fellow farming friend, here in the valley, whose go-to pair of jeans is more open air than substance at this juncture.

          • Fair enough; in the article it sounded as though the specific movements with the bales, the twine etc. caused this on a regular basis.

    • Have to side with hotrodwi for the size of an ample day’s baling progress… Though I suppose I do need to recalibrate for the number of hands involved. With four mid to late teen sons on the field we counted a good day’s baling at something north of 750 bales. Weather would matter if it caused a later start. If a customer was late to the field for their pickup then too we’d feel cheated of our bragging rights.

      So if its only you and the nephew then I’ll stand aside with admiration. But let’s not catch you having Cindy driving for you… her assistance would count in the total.

      The meal does look good – you have that working in your favor.

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